This is a different kind of blog article than I usually post. For one thing, I haven’t posted in two months, so it’s something of an apology. I didn’t actually promise to write every week or every month, but I had meant to be a bit more consistent. For another thing, this article is mostly about me, which is not the way I usually write. Still, here goes.
I am not the type of person who can read or watch the news every day. I simply don’t have the psychic armor necessary to deal with watching man’s inhumanity to man, or with witnessing Nature’s lack of fairness as dramatized in the media. So I don’t want to be the type of astrologer who blogs only about current events, analyzing the news and seeing how what’s happening on Earth is reflected in the Heavens. I do exactly that at times; I think it’s important and useful information, but I don’t want it to be the only thing I write about. I also don’t want to be the kind of astrologer who whines about my personal transits, and blames the planetary placements for my own mistakes and circumstances. A couple of months ago I read an article by an astrologer who said that the breakup of both his first and second marriages were because the outer planets were transiting his relationship houses, so neither he nor his wives could be faithful. Gak! That is NOT what Astrology is for—a convenient way to blame the planets for our lives, and the choices we make—no, no. So, okay, so I’m pretty clear about what kind of astroblogger I don’t want to be; what kind do I want to be?
That, my friends, is a perfect question for someone undergoing a transit called “Saturn square the Sun”. The Sun in our charts is who we are, what parts of ourselves we identify with, our confidence and ability to stride forward on the path of our life.
Saturn is the great sensei of the sky, the teacher/taskmaster, the one with the big homework assignments and the big stick.
He can bring heaviness and blockages, feelings of inadequacy and doubt, but he rewards hard work and doing things properly. The transit called a square (90º placement between the two planets) is one that brings tension and unease, in order to bring change and improvement. Saturn squares help us see what’s working and what isn’t, usually by showing us what isn’t. So when Saturn squares our Sun, we doubt ourselves, we feel heavy and negative, and we wonder if we’re on the right path.
And that’s what’s been happening to me. I’ve been undergoing a Saturn square Sun transit, and all those questions have come to the forefront. Do I want to continue with my old way of life—the old career, the old patterns of relationships, the old ways of looking at myself? Which of those are working and which aren’t? This very blog is a sign of my new career, my new focus of my intense work energies. As you can tell from what I’ve said above, I’ve gotten some clarity on what I don’t want, and what isn’t working. But I was completely stuck as to what I do want, and what will work. I felt paralyzed, knowing the past would no longer work for me, but having absolutely zero idea about what the future would bring.
I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything—not work with clients, market my business, put my next class together, nor even write in this blog. I couldn’t write anything at all. I wandered around, wondering, when night fell, just where the day had gotten to. I’m a doing type of person. My days are usually filled to the brim with activities, lists of tasks, social interactions, and energy. There were areas of my life that definitely needed attention, and the spell of dazed inaction and paralysis I seemed to be under was only making those things worse. I knew that, and yet I couldn’t do anything about it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I began marking the symptoms of depression, noticing how many of them I was displaying. Fear and panic roiled just under the surface, and there were days when I had to just go hike in the hills until I was completely exhausted in order to keep a total freakout at bay.
Am I blaming Saturn squaring my Sun for this? No. I’m realizing that Astrology works, and that what is happening in the sky reflects what is happening in my life. As above, so below. I am recognizing the energies and making my own choices about what to do. I’ve been advised by many people to write about this, to share it in order to help others know what it feels like, and how to get through it. Saturn takes 28 years to go around the Sun, so we all go through this transit multiple times in our lives (assuming a “normal” life span). If you’re feeling this kind of heaviness, depression, doubt, anxiety, fear, etc, it could be that transiting Saturn in squaring your Sun. So what do you do about that?
The first thing to realize is that it happens to all of us at one time or another. Just knowing that, and seeing that others have survived it, can give you a little room to breathe easier. Secondly, while Saturn moves slowly, it does move. That means the square will not last forever. Depending on retrogrades and other things, within a year or two, things will ease up. And it won’t feel so hard and impossible every day that the square is in effect, either. Some days you’ll be able to carry on as normal, with the doubts and questions remaining mostly in the background. Other times the intensity will be right in your face, and you will have to deal with your issues. Life is always like that, but when Saturn is testing us we see it in more black & white tones. So go ahead, ask yourself the hard questions about your identity, about your path, about your goals. See what’s working for you and what isn’t. If you’ve realized that parts of your identity no longer fit, then be willing to let them go. Even if you have no idea of who you are going to become. That is one of the hardest things to do in life, but it’s necessary. And how often do you take time from your life to think about and do these things? Well, under a Saturn square Sun transit is definitely the time for it. It’s hard work, but it’s the work of life, of learning the lessons and moving up, notch by notch, on that great Wheel of Samsara. And that is just the kind of hard work that Saturn, god of Time and Karma, rewards.
Because one day, or little by little, you’ll notice that the energy is different. If you’ve done your homework, if you’ve faced your doubts and fears, if you’ve worked on who you were, who you are, and who you want to be, you’ll notice the change. Saturn does bring rewards, he does grant black belts for those who have passed the rank test. You’ll have insights into yourself, and maybe even a glimpse as to where you’re going. All the answers may not be there at once, but the heaviness begins to lift, and you’re able to make decisions about the next direction to take. You may still encounter setbacks or obstacles, but you’re able to deal with them in a stronger, more confident fashion.
Many, many astrologers have written about Saturn transits, and about transiting Saturn square the Sun. I’m no expert. I’m just at the halfway point of my own experience of it, this time. But I finally got to the point of thinking that it might be helpful if I shared it with you. I sure hope it is, and that I’m not just the whining astroblogger I so wanted to avoid being. (See, the doubts are still here somewhat.) Accordion Astrology is what’s happening—out from the cosmos, in to the individual life, then back out again. The song is playing. Time to get up and dance.
So please, keep checking this blog, because there are new things coming, things I began working on when the energies started to shift. Some of them are just about ready to be born, and with them you’ll see a bit of the new me, where my struggles with identity and path have lead. Just the fact that I made it through might inspire some of you, and hopefully my Sun of identity will shine through on its new path and show you how light returns after tough times.